I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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