I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
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after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
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Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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