Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize