watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Randomize
