Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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