That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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