I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
