Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
