after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
