Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
