WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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