I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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