If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
