i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
