once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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