Are we in a gay sports bar?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize