i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
