Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
