Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
