i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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