kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
