that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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