she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Dick very happy bro
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
