It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
