you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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