we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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