Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
