John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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