Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
