I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
