I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I need help removing her.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize