$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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