His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
