He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
