You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
