I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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