Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
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used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
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1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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