if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
