yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
