Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
