I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
