and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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