What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
