Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
