Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
