your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
