i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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