My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
