Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Non-Jews are for practice
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
