1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
