Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
