I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
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I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
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Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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