i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
