I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
