Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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