sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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