You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
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He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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