She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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