we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
