well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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