Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
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The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
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I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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