I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
