Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
