i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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