spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
