Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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