I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
