I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
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You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
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Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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