We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I will pee on everything he values.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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