when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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