Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
