You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
