I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
