I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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