The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
