He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
