It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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