She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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