he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
