he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
