Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
