can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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