I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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