just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
