why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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